I hope that maybe in time, you will get to read this. That I will have enough courage to actually dig into the deepest depths of this blog, and show this to you. I don’t even know why I’m writing this when I still don’t know who you are. I have no idea what you look like, or what your name would be. Hell, I don’t even know when I will meet you.
I have waited so long for you. I wish I could tell you my feelings and my thoughts every time I see a couple doing their couple-ish stuff in front of me. They have found somebody in their lives that returned the same feelings they have. And it makes me jealous. Even the weirdest girl in my high school class found someone. And I remember our conversation when she told the not-so-exciting-new-for-me to me. She was bragging about how she found a guy. And how he likes her back. Then she asked me, “Have you found somebody?” I wanted to get mad, wanted to shower her with salt and vinegar because there she was, rubbing the fact that I was alone on my face. I thought, “Is something wrong with me? Am I that unattractive?” But instead, I put on a show and told her that I wasn’t looking for anyone. I wanted to focus on my studies; and that my parents wouldn’t allow me to date any other way.
But darling, I want you to know that once you enter my life…soon, and show me the beauty of the too-abstract word we call love, I would gladly break the rules. I’d show you how much I could love, and I’d brag you to the whole world. I have waited for you for so damn long and now that I have you, I’ll give you everything that I could.
I hope that we get to share the same interests. I hope we get a chance to talk over coffee or tea because the weather outside is cold. Or we get to watch films, and laugh, though nothing’s funny with it. Then you’d take me to our favourite band’s concert, and you’d hold me tightly against your chest as they sing the songs we jam into. We’d probably play video games, or read comics, despite the fact that it just is not my thing. But it will be. Because you’d expose me to the world that you, guys, enjoy. And no, I’m not going to take you shopping for clothes. I’d take you to bookstores, or record shops. And we’ll browse and check out books after books, vinyl after vinyl because that’s what we do. We’d do PDA in the most random of times, in the most random of places. And we won’t care. Because we never really give a damn about what people would say and think. We’d kiss and tell how much we love each other. We’d savour the moment, and pray that we will have a lifetime more of it.
When we fight, it will be rough. None of us would let themselves lose their battles. You would probably yell in frustration, and I would cry in anger. We will throw in curse word after curse word then we will realise how stupid we probably looked, and that it would be better if we just make up. Make out. We’d apologise because we have both been shitty, and made mistakes. Then you’d pull me in, wrap your arms around my body and kiss me sorry. We’d tell I love you a hundred more times to each other, as if the words would imbibe themselves on our skin every time we utter it. We would fight, then make up, because there would be times we clash over the simplest of things. But that’s just how we do. It’s a same cycle over and over and over again.
I would let you read my stories, let you read my desperate attempts of writing poems. And you’d tell me you liked it. And I know that you did, even I never really felt like I loved it. I would write stories about us, immortalise the I love yous, the tight hugs, the passionate kisses. And I would write more mysterious-slash-romantic prose and poems because our love story is basically just that. A mystery and a romance.
Hi, Peter. It’s me. Uh…I got in to Oxford. Woo-hoo. It’s very exciting. I came by your house a little bit ago and I um…you weren’t there. And so I’m um…I’m on my way to the airport right now, because there’s this really great summer class that I found out about and I thought that it would somehow be easier, I guess, this way. I think that maybe it’s time to let this go. And that’s not because I don’t love you, but its actually because I do. So um…okay, bye.
September 16th ‘14
Since our classes remain suspended tomorrow, I decided to put onand watch the much-talked about film Miracle in Cell No. 7. Ever since last school year, everyone was fussing about the movie and telling me that I should watch it because it was really good. While most of my college friends have watched it over and over, and cried on those times, my sister said that it wasn’t sad at all. I don’t know if my friends were too soft, or my sister was just too much of a stone.
So I decided to figure it out myself.